not for everybody
“If I can’t find a job, imma just go be a sex worker.”
I want to first acknowledge that I am writing this from my own lens and my viewpoint is that of someone who has historically done consensual and intentional sex work. But as a formerly active sex worker of over ten years, I would like to go on record saying, “NO THE FUCK YOU CAN’T.” Making the decision to be a sex worker is not to be taken lightly nor flippantly.
I originally started sex work as a means of survival—utilizing “dating” apps such as Grindr, Adam4Adam, and the now defunct website gay.com. Only in the past five years have I been vocal about my experience as a full service worker. This writing is an extension of that voice in order to express a long held frustration of mine. I finally want to call out that throughout my time as a sex worker I have heard countless friends of mine say, “If I can’t find a job, imma just be a stripper,” or a sex worker, or join OnlyFans…you get the picture. Basically, some iteration of if I can’t find work, I’ll just do this “easy” transition into sex work but stated in a mocking and ignorant way. I’ve also been unsure of how to directly tell them, “Bitch, no you can’t!” without hurting their feelings. To be a sex worker takes, as the title suggests, work. You are the means of your own production. You own a business. And that business revolves solely around you.
In the media, certain kinds of sex work are painted as easier than other kinds. Sex work is also portrayed as a way to quickly gather up needed funding—to pay some bills, and fast. But I would like to put this rumor to rest. Sex work takes a lot of time, energy, planning, and labor; both within and outside of the services you may offer. This field isn’t for the weak. Truthfully, out of all the sex workers I know, most of them either stopped after one year (due to a very limited number of clients), or conversely have been doing it for over ten years. The ones that have been in it for a long time have learned to adapt, rebrand, navigate ways to survive while going months (or even years) without any source of steady income, and often have to learn various other trades along the way.
This is hard work and it starts before you even engage in your first session. Here are some questions I'd like for you to ask yourself before becoming a sex worker:
Why am I doing this?
There can be a multitude of reasons why you want to enter the industry and all of them are valid. Correction—most of them valid (see fast money rant above). Some reasons may include: it's an accessible industry (mostly), it's a cash-based business, you don’t mind having sex, you want to feel sensual and seen, and so many others.
Whatever your reason, reflecting with yourself about what your motivations are and understanding that is a foundation to being successful in this industry.
What do I want to offer?
One of the great things about sex work is this can change over time. When I first entered into the industry I was doing street-based sex work. I was nickel-and-dime-ing every encounter I had. A blow job was $20, and intercourse was $100. But over time, I dabbled into content creation, camming, escorting, experience-focused sex work, and fetish/kink connections. What allowed me to dabble into so many different areas greatly depended on my energy levels, what was going on financially, and where my head was at.
3. How would I keep myself safe?
This question is not meant to insight fear, but rather to remind you of the reality that this industry can be dangerous. I have known many industry professionals who have never been in an unsafe situation, and I've also known some who have had danger thrust upon them several times. Between getting doxxed, cops, unsafe clients, and STI’s/STD’s there are so many variables on how to keep yourself safe. The answer to this question will also change depending on what service(s) you are offering. For instance, when I was an active full service escort I would request that my client book the hotel room under my name, and with his credit card down for incidentals. This allowed for both of us to do some verification prior to meeting, and gave a third party additional information in case anything happened to me. Safety measures are and ongoing practice and probably the most important part to consider when deciding if you are going to enter this industry.
4. Where would I host (if applicable)?
This is pretty self-explanatory. If you have access to a separate play area and you feel comfy inviting folks into this space then I say go for it. Personally, I never allowed clients into my bedroom, but I did allow them into my home. When I was able to host I was very fortunate that I had a two-bedroom apartment and I had intentionally turned one room into the playroom. I did this because I did not want them to have access to my full personhood.
5. Who will I be serving?
So this is a question that can be a little intimidating and filled with a lot of uncertainty. However, I think it is important to name your boundaries around the kinds of services you're willing to offer. For a long time as an escort I denied anyone under the age of thirty, because I didn’t want a situation where we might be peers outside of the service I offered. And since I am not a gentle or patient service provider, I also don’t serve anyone that is inexperienced with sex. Knowing these things about myself has helped limit the audience allowed to access my services, and has created additional boundaries around who is allowed in my space (personally, and professionally).
Ultimately, anyone CAN be in this industry, but the questions above will allow a person to determine if they have capacity to be in this industry. Sex work is not fast money, easy, nor is it meant for everyone. Sex work spans across body sizes, disabilities, age, mental health, and sexualities. Using sex work as a “last-ditch effort” trivializes the amount of labor it takes to be a sex worker. Sex workers are entrepreneurs, community advocates, and fiercely intelligent! Put some respect on their names!
Lovingly,
Your favorite loud-mouth, Black trans Femme, sex worker!
Kleopatra Black
She|Her|Femme
Photo by Huck Reyes
